For if you remain silent at this time, protection and deliverance for the Jews will be ordained from some other place, but you and your father’s house shall be destroyed. And who knows if you may have attained royal position for such a time as this?

Esther 4:14 — Modern English Version (Thinline Edition.; Lake Mary, FL: Passio, 2014)

If there is anyone who can understand what it is to be awkward in every facet of life, it’s me. I don’t know if I really fit in anywhere. Perhaps it’s part of my experiences that have made me who I am.

One thing I know, is there are those things that I don’t quite get. I am laying in bed, it’s late, in fact early into the next day. The cares of the day weigh heavily. What would it be like to not care?

I don’t know. I don’t know if I will ever really know.

But here is Esther. She was a misfit in the King’s court, in that she was Jewish. Granted, what I think I am pondering is nothing as monumental as what she was thinking. But it does bear some similarities, on a vastly smaller scale. Nevertheless, they are everything for the other souls involved.

Like Esther, the easy choice is self-preservation; to stay with what I know is safe. Yet, it is selfish.

In that time before Esther entered the king’s presence, she would ponder many things. When she purposed to pursue what was right, she set about to do it. In that moment she is a perfect representation of Jesus Christ. She had set aside self-preservation to look beyond the what-ifs and lay down her own life for the lives of her people. She found favor from her king.

It’s not unlike another person.

Consider the apostle Paul. He was on his way to Damascus to persecute saints when he was stopped by his Lord. Paul knew Who it was Who stopped him on that road. Asking Jesus, “What will you have me do?” (Acts 9:1–6)

Think about it. It’s rather unsettling to be struck blind by a bright light and brought to your knees. Jesus told Paul to go into Damascus and await instructions. Ananias was then called by Jesus to visit Paul. Even amidst the disorientation, Paul chose to do the right thing.

Ananias had his Esther moment, too. He set aside his own concerns to do what appeared as an awkward encounter. Setting aside concerns for his own safety he went to Paul with the instructions Jesus gave him.

Paul assents to the instructions of his Lord and was waiting in Damascus. Ananias came, we know what happened. Paul was shown he was called to serve the Lord by ministering to the Gentiles. By taking up the call, he was also shown what he must suffer for Jesus’ name.

For such a time as this Paul had obtained much favor from God. It is only in one of his first epistles did he give a hint of his mindset at his appointment with Jesus and the days that followed.

After giving a list of those who were eyewitnesses to the resurrected Jesus… He spoke of his own testimony.

Last of all, He was seen by me also, as by one born at the wrong time.

1 Corinthians 15:8 — Modern English Version (Thinline Edition.; Lake Mary, FL: Passio, 2014)

It was an awkward way to become an apostle, and an eyewitness to Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. Yet like one born at the wrong time.

I can imagine the self-doubt coupled with the instinctual self-preservation, and maybe the idea that someone else will do it instead.

Yet there are those people, real heroes like Esther, Ananias, and Paul, who considered their own personal well-being to be of inconsequential value compared to the panorama of others whose lives would be impacted for the good.

I don’t care who you are or where you are in life. If you’re placed in an awkward position as a misfit, that’s perfect! When faced with some really gut-wrenching decision, choose rightly. I know it may be potentially detrimental to you personally, forego that. Look beyond your own self and into the people that will be impacted for the good by your selflessness.

And who knows if you may have attained your awkward position for such a time as this?